A friend just told me of the trouble she’s in with her family and doesn’t know what to do

My friend isn’t on FDS yet and may not join at this point, but has the view points we all have about men - i.e. men don’t behave properly and mistreat women the majority of the time.

She has her own TikTok profile and makes videos discussing her views on men. She’s currently living at home and is from a culture where you don’t leave home unless you’re leaving to be near a job, you get your own place or if you get married. She’s on the fence about getting married and is in a job right now while hunting for another job. She’s from a well to do family who recently bought a new home so leaving home wasn’t something she was considering just yet. She works in marketing and has been finding it very hard to get another role for a long time so she’s sadly had to take lower paid jobs. A family friend (a lady) told her mum of a graduate programme in banking that was opening up that she should apply for. Her parents and brother all pushed her to apply for it and were annoyed with her for not being excited at the opportunity. She told me she started the application but didn’t finish it because she didn’t want to apply but was considering it since she wasn’t finding other opportunities. By the time she went to click on the ‘submit’ byy button, her submission didn’t go through because the deadline had passed. She made the mistake of lying to her family that she applied, only for the family friend to call her parents and say that she (the family friend) inquired about her application with HR and was told that they don’t have an application for her. She came clean after the lady’s call and told everyone that she didn’t want to apply and got a dressing down about how she’s picky about jobs when she doesn’t have a good one and doesn’t have any options at the moment. My friend is very introverted and tends to keep her feelings to herself including keeping her fears, troubles or feelings she has about people who’ve wronged her, to herself. This was spoken about today by her family calling her deep/not open and seemingly sociopathic. My friend is also quite stubborn (which everyone can be) and this was talked about today. My friend’s brother then told her, in front of her parents, that he’s seen her TikTok videos and that he’ll stop having a relationship with her if she doesn’t delete the videos. He said that he’s shocked that she seems to hate men given the fact that she has him as a brother and their dad who, by and large, behave well although she has her issues with them as they to, for as good as they are, do things that are misogynistic. She doesn’t talk about hating men; only about the ways men behave and what behaviours women should look out for. I remember her telling me that her dad was talking to her months ago about how he feels her social media usage is high and mentioned that he knows that she watches YouTube and TikTok videos about women who talk about men and the patriarchy and that she should stop doing so. I remember her wondering how he knew and how shocked she felt because it was like she was being watched/stalked online without her knowing….only to find out that her brother had heard her watching these videos and told their parents.

Her parents are angry with her for lying about not applying for this role and other things they think she can improve on and her brother has told her that he doesn’t want to talk to her and is considering stopping talking to her because of this lie, her tendency to keep things to herself (which she tells me she does because when she brings them up, she gets shut down) and the videos she watches and makes.

She feels mentally drained and isolated. I spent some time encouraging her on the phone but she had to drop off quickly because she was afraid of them hearing her tell me what happpened which would be seen as another problem as her family would be upset that she’s telling an outsider about family issues.

This situation reminds me of the importance of living on your own because she now feels hostility from everyone. This scenario coupled with the fact that she’s been made to feel like a failure for still living at home and not having a better job, makes her regret not living on her own. Her parents comment about and basically compare her to other people’s children that are getting married, starting businesses and having jobs which she says puts pressure on her to get her own place, which is hard to do with how bad the economy she’s in, is.

I’d love to get as much advice as needed. What do you think she should do? Please let me know. I’m quite worried about her and wish she wasn’t on her own.