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Heyy, posting my third standards category (of 6 lol). I found a lot of my lifestyle points didn't fit under adulting nor one of my upcoming standards, personality/looks.
Let's go.
constant drive for self improvement
motivated to be an equal partner in administering our life together
⭐️ CHILDFREE ⭐️ (I don't hate kids, I just don't want any. Nor stepkids, nor adopted kids, etc etc. I will not apologize for this. You aren't a bad person automatically for having kids but you've excluded yourself from my dating pool.)
doesn't live and split 50/50 with gfs (why not your "bro"??)
isn't pathologically cheap nor lives outside his means
comfortable going on vacations, traveling in general "when in rome" attitude etc (have a girlfriend who once they got married husband said he was done doing vacations and if she wanted to go she was on her own. If that was me I'd be on my own alright, in all aspects 😎👍)
can spend periods of time single, hasn't always been in a relationship (personally I get huge red flags from people who can't ever be alone or in silence. It's like you're using people to run from yourself. Get some effing therapy.)
doesn't have abuser, rapist, conservative, or far-right friends (fucking, I legit had an ex tell me one of his buddy's buddies was a NAZI, "but dude is a nice guy" I was like if dude is a nazi by DEFINITION that dude is not a "nice guy". No idea why I didn't dump here. Would have saved me A LOT.)
doesn't live his life to impress other men, or anyone
I can't wait to see what you ladies say because my lifestyle experience is fairly limited.
Previous posts in series:
I really like your list and would agree with every single point!😊
- Has lifelong, steady male friendships.
- Spoiling his male friends with homemade birthday cake, presents, nice gestures and trips. - Looks out for his family, visiting grandma and parents regularly. - Nourishes his body daily through home cooked meals.
Yeah, basically this. I have a few additional personal preferences:
- has at least one creative hobby
- appreciation for nature, likes spending time outside
- vegetarian or vegan
- loves animals
- quirky sense of humor, but one that isn't at the expense of others
- careful and intentional in his actions
- dedicated to simple joys of life, can create special moments in every day life -- this is a big one for me and the way my partner adds tremendous value to my life. He knows how to sprinkle in a little whimsy and magic and draw attention to details that are often overlooked.
As always, attitude rules over appearances. I had a partner who was able to provide me with great vacations, activities and gifts, but he lacked the positive and caring attitude that is needed to make these things enjoyable, and that guarantees a peaceful life together outside of special occasions. I want someone who wants to do things with me, and me specifically, who puts in care and effort to make the experience nice for both of us, who knows joy increases when shared and that you can only get out as much as you put in. In that sense, the picnic at the lake my bf prepared for us yesterday and at which he was fully present with me and his surroundings constitutes a much more beautiful memory than a ton of other fancy things I did with my ex (not saying that fancy things aren't good too once in a while, but "my person" will always be someone who can just enjoy life in its purest form).
I love your list! I’d also add, at least for me, that I would want someone who has healthy hobbies they’re pretty passionate about. I am someone who has been playing an instrument since I was young, and I’m still dedicated to it, along with doing a sport for exercise. I would want someone who understands the dedication it takes to partake in something creative like that.
My ex felt threatened by my instrument and threatened to smash it while we were separating. Our marriage basically fell apart when I tried to sign up for a sport to get exercise - I hate the gym and you’d think he would like it since he was always calling me fat. Obviously you could have no hobbies and respect your partners passions and hobbies, but I want someone who has that same mentality so there’s no disconnect.
Great examples!
One thing for me personally would be that he has and maintains his own life and schedule outside of the relationship (doing things with friends/family, hobbies he's passionate about etc.) and doesn't expect me to be his sole source of entertainment. He needs to be able to prioritize and integrate our relationship into his own, full life in a reasonable way.
I need my alone time and to do my own thing and the expectation to spend every free hour of every day together,him pouting or wanting to tag along to things I want to do alone or with my own friends or expecting that I always come to his stuff is a huge turnoff to me.
Being childfree is the number one thing I vet for, since it's not something that can be changed or compromised on (at least not without resentment or my personal feeling of instability in a relationship dating a fencesitter). I love your list, but I'd also add being open minded about food! I used to be a picky eater as a kid, and there are still some things I'm picky about, but I love food and going out to eat and trying new recipes to cook that I've found dating picky eaters to be the worst! That includes being vegetarian or vegan. Nothing wrong with those choices, but not for me!
Edit: Also would prefer a love for the outdoors! In the warm weather, I love being outside as much as possible. If he can't stand being in the sun spending the day relaxing at a beach, or going for a walk or hike, he's not for me either!
I love learning about other women's standards! I love a high standard.
No gamers. If he so much as looks at a gaming console it's over.
Must eat a healthy diet
Must be reasonably fit and active
Must have good social skills and enjoy socialising (but not in a gross way) Basially no hermits.
No boring men.
Knows how to fix things or has enough money to pay for things to be fixed immediatley.
There are people who dont like going on vacations? Wtf? That's psychotic. Alright, I didnt know that needed to be on my list, but it's on there now.
And to add: can easily have a good time without alcohol or other substances involved. This was more relevant back when I was in my early 20s, but it still applies. We should be able to have a fun day out or a casual get together, or something, where we enjoy the activities and people for their own sake. Not everything needs to be an excuse to drink.
-Actively involved in a church (I’m a Christian so this is very important to me)
-Has positive male role models to look up to and go to for advice: though the role models have to be vetted, if they have misogynistic views or other LV qualities, that is a massive red flag
-Respects his family and friends, does not put them down or gossip about them
-Treats servers and others in customer service with respect, does not skimp on tipping
-Is able to make healthy choices and his diet does not consist of fast food and beer
-Does not text or call constantly during his work hours or late at night. I had an LV ex text me “I’m bored” while he was at work. This man was in his late 20s. I’m not providing free entertainment🙄
-I agree that he needs to be secure in being single and not judge others for staying single as well. I had a suspected covert narc ex ask me why I was single for two years before meeting him because I was ”so attractive and could get any guy“ then he also said any woman who's still single at 27 must have something wrong with her. I was 24 at the time
Edit: I copied this to the "adulting" post, but briefly - he has to be able to make phone calls. There are people who refuse to make a phone call at all costs, and that is unacceptably childish.
These are great! I would also add someone who is spiritual, practical, gets my humour and is also funny. I NEED someone who is funny.
Someone who genuinely admires me without a hint of jealousy, insecurity or competition.
Cares about the truth of this world and is naturally inquisitive, curious and intelligent.
Cares about their body and health but isn't a neurotic about it.
Shares my sense of humour.
Loves God and is obedient to his will. Meaning: will feel guilty about doing, thinking or saying the wrong thing, knows the actual difference between good and evil and loves others as himself.