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Expanding on my comment on the Christmas lights post about men hating Christmas being a red flag. Here's why!
Disclaimer:
There are valid reasons to dislike the season and I have nothing against people who have trauma around celebrating or find celebrating difficult or just plain celebrate something else. This is not who this post is aimed at but rather identifying different toxic flavors of hating christmas to the point of ruining others' enjoyment of the holiday season.
Reasons Hating Christmas Could be a Red Flag:
Cheap:
- doesn't want money spent on other people or people he "doesn't like"
- wants more money to be spent on himself
- wants a gift but doesn't want to buy you one
- buys you an expensive "gift" but it's really for him or common household use, or is something old of his that he bought a new one of for himself
- gives you your gift unwrapped because "cards and wrapping paper are a waste of money"
- if your birthday is nov/dec your birthday gift is either combined with or replaced by your christmas gift
- cites "capitalism" as a reason to not celebrate the holiday but doesn't use this as an excuse not to celebrate any other holiday/occasion
- doesn't want to spend the money to travel to/host relatives
- doesn't want to buy extra food to entertain
- doesn't want to put up any extra lights etc because it "wastes electricity" but then probably mines crypto
Narcissistic:
- doesn't want other people to be happy because he himself is unable to be happy
- wants all of the attention on him, won't let you host because your attention will be divided
- gets jealous that any of your attention/money/emotional energy is spent on anybody else
- wanted you to blow your budget and get him everything he wanted so he could brag about how good of a partner they have etc
- literally threatens to kill himself on christmas day because watching other people open gifts makes him have an ego meltdown
- doesn't want to go to holiday events where he'll have to behave, preferring to be alone at home where he can be catered to without an audience
- voluntarily chooses to work because he wants to prioritize himself/his career, he knows it will upset people if he is absent, or is picking up shifts to not be home during the holidays so you have to do all the work
- if you're religious and celebrating from a "jesus' birthday" standpoint he may be sullen that "his (own) birthday doesn't merit this big of a deal"
- can't afford the decoration aesthetic they want so he demands nothing goes up or it'll be ugly/mismatched/cluttered/etc
Controlling:
- deciding when decorations are "allowed" to go up and "must" come down
- similarly, deciding when christmas movies/music are "allowed"
- using passive aggressive gifting as a means of coercive control (ie here are kitchen utensils for you to cook me stuff with, cleaning products for you to clean our place, etc)
- ignores your gift list and gives you what they think you need or what they want you to want
- controlling what you wear/who sees you in what
- insisting on what gets cooked/controlling what you eat
- isolating you from family by not going to events or demanding you leave events early for frivolous reasons, like you're having fun
- forcing you to integrate into a family you mesh poorly with or mistreats you
- if not intending to marry you, pissed off at all the seasonal ring ads and "reminders to propose" over christmas
Misogynistic:
- refuses to do any work because cleaning/cooking/wrapping/decorating etc is "women's work"
- expects women to "serve" men type
- used to his own mother/family spoiling him at Christmas and doesn't want to contribute
- weaponized incompetence to make sure you regret ever asking him to do anything
- enables/influences other men to do the same thing
- buys women gifts that fit offensive/generic stereotypes
I've added this red flag to my personal dealbreakers.
I agree with all your points. Thanks for sharing this timely post.
However, some men don't celebrate Christmas due to their religion (Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, to name a few). Should we make an exception for these men?
(I personally wouldn't, but that's only because I don't date religious men in the first place.)
Hmmm…with me, especially if he doesn’t like or want to spend money on people he hates, it’s fine. However my only issue is that, it’s intentional and he hates everyone lol
Tbh I would not buy gifts for people I hate unless they I had to return the favour by giving them a gift, not giving a gift would cause problems, or it’s for family lol
I may be missing something here, an you clarify on the first point under cheap?
Tbh, your points on cheapness drew on all these points of men I had the misfortune of meeting who were cheap with their love, time, and affection towards me… I wish I knew better.